Part of being human is to be seen.In fact being seen fully and accepted as we are,can be considered as our fundamental emotional need.
Don’t you want to be seen and accepted as you are,may be with some imperfections?Each one of us is imperfect in some way,it does not make us any less than others.
Problem arises when we get picked up for our imperfection and shamed for it.It can shatter our self-confidence,and instill feelings of being flawed and defective in us.Or we may recognize about the shamer’s own self of inadequacy and it’s projection on us.We can stand our ground by processing the shaming incident and let it go recognizing the imperfection for which we got shamed does not make us,less than others or unacceptable.
The way we react to the shaming incident,and to how much extent we are able to restore our sense of self -worth,by reassuring ourselves goes back to our childhood.
If some of us grew up in dysfunctional families,where we were not loved unconditionally for who were then it may be hard for us to restore our sense of self-worth.
We were told to be some other way,for getting accepted by them or worse were shamed by them.Then it may instill feelings of being inadequate and worthless in us,unconciously getting deeper and deeper into our being until we internalize those words told to us.This internalization happens over course of time,which can vary from months to years.
Now when we step outside in the world of strangers,someone can attempt to shame us for our imperfections.
If it does happen,then after shaming incident world does not seem to be safe to us,as it was before.We may perceive people,other than the shamer are judging us too.If people are looking at us they are looking only because, they can see our imperfection and therefore they are judging us and talking about it.
And then we may become afraid of being seen by people.We may also become hypervigilant,looking for threat in form of people in the world which does feel judgemental and not so safe.We may also develop defense mechanisms or behaviours,to compensate for our sense of inadequacy and defectiveness.
Let’s send each other strength to forgive ourselves,for whatever self-loathing message we picked up after a shaming incident.It does not belong to us,let’s return it to the shamer if any,in lives of each one of us.
Let’s validate each other’s those experiences which made us doubt our self-worth.Let’s speak our truths and stand for each other.Let’s get ready to not be fearful of being seen,anymore.